Jay Toups

*Other People’s Shit

Jay’s Analogous Hierarchy Of Social Shit™ (1st Wipe) (2nd Pass)

• Chicken Shit
• Bull Shit
• Elephant Shit
• Ape Shit

Want to be a social animal, adroitly ascending the proverbial ladder or at least stay put, and hone your natural sensitivity for all kinds of social interactions, occasionally going “deep”, while adeptly keeping even the shallowest friendships and contacts with other acquaintances sunny side up? Me too.

I really need to develop a better nose for detecting the type of shit I’m hearing, or reading. My online and offline social life could well depend on it.

So world, behold what I believe are the 3 4 fundamental political, rhetorical and social interactive devices of our time. It seems much of what dribbles in spurts and gushes from the minds, fingers and mouths of people online and off is classifiable into distinkt, readily detectable buckets of crap. Very much like the odoriferous emanations which flow regularly (and oh so abundantly) from the backsides of the aforementioned animals.

Sure there’s good stuff to be had in almost all the categories. That’s the whole point of human interaction isn’t it? Richness and loamy variety to please the intellectual appetite, not too cheesy or too volatile. But sometimes, what comes from other people needs to be carefully examined and managed before you digest it. So take a deep breath and read on!

Why should you learn to detect and classify the kind of social shit you’re hearing or reading? Well in a very few words, so you can respond in kind because that’s what the person is really interested in. Climbing the social lattice is tricky work. Not only should you listen carefully to the other person, you should make triple sure your shit doesn’t unhinge other people.

Don’t smell anything when you interact with some folks? That’s good! Consider yourself lucky to live and interact meaningfully with someone whose expansive mind is a clear cut above the the herd, and from whose mouth and mind flows honest, mellifluous, insightful, and non-vindictive (nobody has to lose for them to win or make their points) thoughts that aren’t laced with passive-aggressive crap.

Put the Analogic Hierarchy To The Sniff Test Yourself

Ask someone you know what they think about anything. A simple “How are you?” or in my most recent stinkup experience covered brilliantly below, “How’s your new recording coming along?” will suffice to get the shit rolling. Listen carefully to the answer. Was it chickenshit, the garden variety response? Was it nice and accommodating, or one that didn’t encourage further conversation?

If the person is in chickenshit mode, that’s what they usually want back. Or maybe the person doesn’t even want a response because the person is really just talking and listening for what they want to hear (smell) in a circle inside their head.

Chicken shit response to the above question, “How’s the new recording progressing?”

“It’s going fine.” Or: “I’m making progress on the recording but I’m not happy with it yet. I’ll let you know because you’re the best musician around these parts and I value your input.”

Or was there a bit of spin to the person’s answer that demonstrated the person’s ability to think for (sometimes only about) themselves, yet had a tone that didn’t encourage further conversation beyond the level of crap they were throwing down?

This is a bullshit response:

“I’m fine. I just wrote the coolest song. You’ve got to hear it. Drive over to my house and listen! Isn’t it great? Aren’t I a talented, gifted, sensitive musician who loves everybody? I’m going to sell my songs to famous people and make lots of money! Go me!” (Paraphrasing here…)

If you want to preserve the relationship with the person you’re interacting with, when they ask you what you think, make sure to respond in kind.  If it was a chickenshit answer, do the same. Because if you answer or otherwise respond in more or less divergent terms, constituting a more considered, deeper and possibly more challenging response that actually compelled further thought processing from the other person, you could wind up in deep doodoo fast.

My chickenshit response could have been something like: “Wow! That’s fantastic! I love the one about your brother being at the shallow end of the gene pool! That’s hilarious, he must be a real piece of shit for you to spend so much time coming up with rhymes putting him down. Good for you! I hope you become famous and rich too!”

But no…. The elephant shit response I chose to a recent interaction (in so many words):

“Well, from my perspective, _______, it’s like the songs of a thousand other clever songwriters, except that you can actually play and sing amazingly well.  But there are songwriters whose material strikes a deeper chord, at least to me, and which I feel represents the “gold standard” of the songwriter trade.  You might want to try to elevate the tone of what you’re singing about so that your material stands out from the herd a bit more. That is unless you only play music to make people’s tails wag, which seems to be the case. And you intend to write songs that have commercial appeal for a nation of people as “dumb as a box of rocks” in the words of a very famous Nashville songwriter whose opinions I value.  In which case, I have nothing further to offer to pad your capacious ego because the world (not just your corner of it) is almost completely full of shit and cleaning it all up compels my full attention.”

Caveat Empty, Baby:

Here’s what can happen when you start dropping elephant shit without regard for the deep seated psychological needs of others. They’ll start escalating the degree and intensity of the interaction and all further interaction into an argument. Or just say “fuck it” and nuke the relationship with a lowball scorched earth tactic so they can “win” no matter the cost in time, money, reputation, blood, sweat or tears.

That’s Ape Shit! (Thanks to Fritzi for the suggestion.)

Just like the towel headed devils in Bagdad.

A real life Ape Shit response to my habitual lifelong preference for aspiring to, and seeking the very best, highest grade possible shit out of other people:

/snip

If you get through this e-mail and you feel like shit I’m sorry, but you wanted the truth and the truth is that you are a very selfish man. So, if you want to have awesome people in your life and experience what it is like to connect, then you need to do some things. First – humble yourself and realize that people don’t like you because you do things that people don’t like. Knock off being a “know it all “and realize that you do not know much more than many and you have missed out on a lot. You know jack-shit about being a good person or warm and friendly…  Then do something positive – do something for someone else. When you can stand in the mirror and feel good about the person you are looking at,  then be glad that someone cared enough to be honest a tell you that you need to wake up! Then be glad that you know you deserve the respect that you currently assume should be yours. Earn it and you will earn friends like me.

That’s the most recent example of escalated elephant shit throwing I’ve experienced.  And easily the most passive aggressive, anal retentive behavior by a white urban male (WAM) who goes by the name of friend I’ve ever encountered. Wow. What a blowout!

See what can happen if you aren’t mindful of the recipient’s comfort zone, and its own unique stench? You get plastered 10 fold in return. The classic shit storm. A one man army flinging faeces because that’s all he’s got left to work with.

One more time in review:

Analogic Hierarchy of Social Shit (First Wipe)

• Chicken Shit (Mildly aromatic, like melted Velveeta)
• Bull Shit (Stronger smell, like body odor)
• Elephant Shit (Stench like road kill: close nose and proceed with caution.)
• Ape Shit (Guaranteed to knock you slap out. Don’t go there, ever.)

I’ve been such a fool to believe other people are capable of more than waging low grade war in their struggle for meaning and maintaining a position. You know, like practicing peace. Like rising above the shit and staying there even as shit slinging consumes the world around you.

I try to keep the sunny side up, I really do. Even when the other guy goes ape shit.

Now that I’ve got this Analogic Hierarchy of OPS blueprint lined out and firmly fixed in my wandering grey matter, hopefully I won’t make the same mistake again.

Wish me luck.

P.S. How was your day?