Passive aggression can be a terrible thing when you experience it firsthand from another person. I think you’ll be seeing lots more of this form of anti-social behavior from people as the economy deteriorates further and the pressure to maintain one’s personal status quo and lifestyle increases. I certainly am experiencing it.

Recently a person I believed was a fairly close and trustworthy friend decided to end our friendship in a rather spectacular manner. Even though he’s the one who blew up the friendship for no reason in particular, he blamed it all on me with a searing email that basically took me apart, piece by piece. “I’m selfish. People don’t like me. I don’t do anything for anyone. My pessimism is stifling. My politics are insane.” (He’s a Republican.) I’m a fierce independent who doesn’t cotton to party lines or parroting what I’ve heard somewhere else. Yea, having a personal opinion and the guts to lay it out, I guess that’s insane.

M’kay…So it’s pretty hard to be friends with someone who now thinks that low of me. But I won’t return fire what I could say in response because I still like the guy, in spite of his crudities and massive failure to cope. I think he’s under pressure to keep his life from blowing to smithereens because his family’s overhead is far larger than his family’s income. He could lose his house.

I “caused” it just by being myself, not for having done anything in particular, just for being who I am. Who I am is apparent within an hour of meeting me. It doesn’t take three years to discover what I’m about and form an opinion. I see myself as being like garlic and onions. You either like me or you don’t. Just don’t act like my best buddy for three years, then blow up and expect me to believe the incredibly personal criticisms.

I’m going to keep the sunny side up in all of my interactions with other people even if the other guy goes Ape shit.



*Other People’s Shit

Jay’s Analogous Hierarchy Of Social Shit™ (1st Wipe) (2nd Pass)

  • Chicken Shit
  • Bull Shit
  • Elephant Shit
  • Ape Shit

Want to be a social animal, adroitly ascending the proverbial ladder or at least stay put, and hone your natural sensitivity for all kinds of social interactions, occasionally going “deep”, while adeptly keeping even the shallowest friendships and contacts with other acquaintances sunny side up? Me too.

I really need to develop a better nose for detecting the type of shit I’m hearing, or reading. My online and offline social life could well depend on it.

So world, behold what I believe are the 3 4 fundamental political, rhetorical and social interactive devices of our time. It seems much of what dribbles in spurts and gushes from the minds, fingers and mouths of people online and off is classifiable into distinkt, readily detectable buckets of crap. Very much like the odoriferous emanations which flow regularly (and oh so abundantly) from the backsides of the aforementioned animals.

Sure there’s good stuff to be had in almost all the categories. That’s the whole point of human interaction isn’t it? Richness and loamy variety to please the intellectual appetite, not too cheesy or too volatile. But sometimes, what comes from other people needs to be carefully examined and managed before you digest it. So take a deep breath and read on!

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jay_toups_telecommuter_since_1998In Montana, short visits can turn into long ones.

In 1998 almost everyone worried about the Y2K issue.  It turned out not to be a big deal.  Then came September 11, 2001, which continues to be a big deal (at least for some), and our rosily naive American outlook began to crumble across the board, eroding by the day.  Wars, killer hurricanes, and economic calumny ensued. 8 more years pass and today we’re worried (some terrified) about almost everything: the climate, the economy, and the environment.

It’s all gotten much worse, hasn’t it? Oh, you haven’t noticed? Been living under a rock? How about in front of a television? What mainstream media is serving up might not be the whole truth.

Can you see, learn about and appreciate the world better by staying put and browsing your way around the world? Would the world be a better place if more of us stuck closer to home and practiced what is often our worst skill: Internet computing? The answer from my perspective is a definite yes!

By inclination, and twelve years of work-at-home conditioning, I see our world and interact with other people from a very different angle as a telecommuting techie type.  Face time is a rare luxury to me because we live in the woods, and all my clients live somewhere else. Online is it. So when I do interact with people in the real world, it’s a treat because I’m not living among the teeming hordes. As a result I’ve lost that weary, urbanized social fatigue somewhere along the line…I’m not tired of people. Yay! Life among people is a carnival and I have the energy to enjoy them.

For most people I know, travel is something that happens almost exclusively in the physical world, such as driving to work and back each day. Or going on vacation, or “expeditions” to far flung corners of the world.

Online travel? For most people it’s limited to shopping at Amazon (online mall if there ever was one), and Facebook excursions, where people can hook up and exchange one liners across great distances, mostly. Facebook has become the new email on steroids, easier to use, and with words, pics and videos posted in full view of one’s friends, which makes it even more stimulating. But it’s kind of like cotton candy. Tastes good, but gives you no nourishment, save for the few people who take the time to comment or post their own stuff.

After 12 years of working from home here in outer Montana, I’m sure my perspective isn’t just a paranoid Kaczinsky-esque delusion fueled by too many lattes or too many hours years working alone. (I’m down to 1 cup of java a day, so that’s definitely not it…and I’ve been making sure to get out and interact with real people instead of mailing them bombs.)

In the meantime, our world suffers ever more dearly from the byproducts of our supposed freedoms. Travel (at least in a car or truck) is a big nasty byproduct! Until mankind learns to stay put, we’re screwed. Got it?

Recreation, online or offline, is where you find it. And so is a contrary thought to stir the conscience of anyone who ventures here.

©1997-2011 Jay Toups :-)